Fist and Bone

I want to pull my sternum apart.
you’re a messy ending, my darling;
this is killing me inside.

  I can still feel the weight of his skin against mine.
  I documented the musculature and slide of bone,
  The curl of his hair, and the breadth of his back.

the winter takes my breath and leaves me aching.
come back to me, I whisper to blue skies,
but they’re not listening now.

  I don’t want to remember the pressure of days
  Stretching back to my hopeless, dauntless youth,
  Where love tasted like absolution from all limitations.

the snow strips me bare of all misconception,
and I wonder how many more seasons I must withstand
before I’ve finally learned my lesson.

  I could tell you every color his eyes reflected when he looked at me,
  Like I was something sacred. Like I was something to be mourned.
  Yet even now I could not tell you where the transition occurred.

two-and-a-half years, and what do I have to show for it?
soft words and a softer conviction: it’s not worth the pain.
this will not last forever. it’s killing me, yet still I must go.