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About Varied / Student E.T.24/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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the earth spins at one-thousand miles per hour,
inexorably moving us forward
it's been years...
it's kind of funny how things stick.
like dreams, and sensations,
and memories.
like the black hole of freshman year,
where academia started losing its luster
and nothing felt real - weeks and months
interspersed with stories, and a tenuous
connection that broke against the dawn
and again, senior year
when I was slogged down by
an emotionally abusive relationship
and uncertainties about the future-
utterly convinced I was different.
it was enough of an impact
to alter how I saw something
as innocent as
the blaring neon
of a clock face,
reminding me it's
twelve minutes
to midnight,
or maybe noon-
honeysuckle and cicadas
calling me home
to dusty floorboards
and moth-eaten curtains,
to the place I could
never burn.
faded red couch.
porch light.
four-poster bed.
so many nights
spent here,
and yet still-
  tell me,
  did the intervening years
  treat you well?
  look how much
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 1 1
always look on the bright side of life. I hope you do.
I hope your life is just as vibrant as you made mine.
I left you holding onto our tomorrows
because I was a coward, because the distance
between me and you was too great, because
the last relationship left me dreading loving
anyone across state lines.
and though this was everything to me,
I could not look past my fear.
so when another man showed up,
you told me you’d understand if I
dated him, because he lived here.
and yet still, I-
still, I-
I wanted it all.
they say you know it’s over when you can vividly imagine
your former partner with someone else.
well let me be honest: I couldn’t look you
in the eye when you told me about her.
I had hoped I could pass it off as normalcy,
but you always had a way of looking past the bullshit.
late July, a phone call ended in tears
after I conveyed he and I had grown closer.
And you whispered it was going to be
pretty silent from here on out.
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
Indiana Pt. 2
you once used to say my name
with all the bated breath of the future,
wishes and maybe dreams
just beyond the limits of
what we could safely talk about.
when we let go the idea
of togetherness,
I left, and you stayed.
now, if we court silence for too long,
the moment shifts into something unbearably heavy,
falling under our fingertips like gravity.
now, the ache is only bitter.
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
How many thoughts can I press into your fingers?
How many secrets let slip between your lips?
How many nights spin into daylight, with you?
How many years did it take for a simple, "let's grab coffee"?
Looking back, I told you more than I remembered,
Remembered you more than I'd like to admit.
I let people know how I ignored the hell out of you
In high school - but ask anyone, and they'll tell you
I had nothing but fond words and fonder memories.
So six years down the line, there I was
Carting two heartbreaks from the past year
Only to find you, bearing that same charming smile.
I was worried my whole life story would spill out unbidden,
Cascade off my fingertips; startle you into running.
But you stayed, and we laughed, and I didn't want it to end.
A day, a week, a month. Two months, three-
I'll leave behind a lifetime just to come home to you.
So how much time do we have? How long can this last?
Let me whisper, 'always' and not be haunted by its echo.
Always. Always. This does
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
The truth is,
I'm still reeling from the damage.
I want to send you Texas skies,
Glittering pixels against the dark.
I want to tell you you're gonna be okay,
That the years will pass faster than you know
Then you'll be free to be whoever you want to...
I hope she treats you well.
We don't talk anymore, and maybe
If I'm truly honest with myself,
She's the reason why.
I miss you far more often than either of us thought I would
You still come up in conversation. And he told me the other day
My eyes still grow soft when I mention you. How could I know?
I want your life to be off-kilter. I want you to feel like
there's something missing, but you're not quite sure what.
I want you to have in the back of your brain the sense
that contentment just isn't reachable. Mediocrity.
That is your life. You cannot escape.
Some days, I hate you less than others. Those are rare.
If I knew it was safe to, I'd tell you the only enemy is yourself,
That life isn't as miserable as it seems
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 2
I’ll tell you, I’ve been lost more times than I can count
somewhere between tomorrow night and yesterday -
where seconds burn a bit too brightly,
and regret leaves bitter afterimages
on every memory.
But now and again,
you can string together love and forgiveness and relief
into something that tastes a bit like salvation,
riding on the heels of another merciless sunrise.
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 2
To Indiana
"Is there anything you want me to say? Is there anything you need to get off your chest?"
"I don't know."
That was a lie.
It wasn't until the first of this year I realized how irreplaceable you were to me. As I drove home, you talked me down from my utter despair at the memory of losing her, brought on by my friend crying in my arms about her dying father. Trapped by compassion, all I wanted was to leave -
April. I called you on the highway back to my hometown, shaky fingers and a shaky voice dissolving into tears as I told you he dumped me. All I remembered was how soothing the stream of words were, coming from the other end of the line.
A few days later, you were in my state again. I picked you up from my alma mater, sleep-deprivation causing my edges to blur. The next day, something shifted irrevocably. There wasn't enough time to realize the consequences. You were in the air twenty-four hours later, en route to Indiana.
I wanted you so much closer. And yet we danced around it, utte
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
Cedar. The crackle of alpine air
seeping into my lungs. The shift of snow,
squeaking against my shoes.
Animal tracks across the path.
A sky so deep I could look forever.
Pollen. Frogs buzzing at the edges
of backyards. Fruit crowding the branches
until they have no choice but to fall.
The trailing glow of fireflies against my palm.
Salt. The crunch of water grinding into the shore.
The shrillness of sea birds, past the waterline.
Billowy white clouds, pulling the sky into fragments.
The sun, when it hits, is blinding in its brilliance.
My skin is burning. My eyes flutter shut -
Despite my best efforts, quarantined inside my mind
in those sacred hours before dawn, I still find myself
dreaming. Though the faces change, my desires remain.
Here: have a house. It's got a lot of nooks and
crannies for an open floor plan. Rugs abound.
Sheer white curtains to let in the breeze
when the air conditioning isn't on. A wide porch,
rocking chairs, a tree with a tire swing.
A kitchen big enough to da
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
the last two months
heartbreak. you cannot eat for three days. nothing stays down. life is a haze of bedsheets, concerned text messages, and the refusal to mark the inexorable flow of time, moving you away from April 12, 2016, 7PM-
April 16th. you hold yourself up with the back of a wooden pew and hope against hope you don't collapse at the reception. you stutter out a few words to the widow. you hold your best friend. it's one day past the sixth anniversary of your mother's death.
he did not understand this. when you begged clemency, he lied. then he dropped your dreams against the floor.
April 17th. your college friend is in town. he raises a hand to you - it's the first time in two years - and promptly steps into a pot hole. you turn away, laughing helplessly. when he reaches for you in the car, you're taken aback. was he always this warm?
the 18th. you're driving him back. the road home is a lonely one.
May 1st: six years since the last time he saw you. you meet at Starbucks. how do you distill si
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
i’ll hold this in my heart,
and wait for you to fall apart.
i’ll place all my dreams
on the headboard of the bed
you’ll never own.
let’s burn the house, darling
set fire to the photographs
of the children you said you’d name.
let the cold idaho winds
take all the words you’d whispered
about love and dedication
away from here, and away from me.
and wasn’t i the fool
to think i was safe from heartache
just because i was the first
everything you’d ever
said you wanted.
first time you’d held someone’s hand.
the sensation kept overstimulating you-
“let’s just take it slow,” i whisper.
first kiss in a cold parking lot
walking to your brother’s car,
hand in hand, totally unexpected.
first time in a girl’s bedroom
and you sit on my floor, too
shy to look around, really.
first plane ticket to see someone
you were with - it was the same for me.
south carolina was never so pretty as it was then.
and you said
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
Now Wait Just A Second.
Twelve days ago,
I watched the dissolution of my dreaming.
the whispers in the dark had told me
to heed the writing on the wall.
I did not listen.
"Is this right for you?"
"Please just be careful."
"I don't want you hurt."
I did not listen.
This is what I wanted:
love and respect and compromise.
a shared bed. family time. friendships.
understanding and stability.
This is what you laid at my feet.
silence. unwillingness.
You didn't know what you wanted.
you were not ready.
this was my mistake: I went into this
thinking you could be capable.
That's okay.
I did not listen.
This is a learning experience.
don't fall too hard.
look before you leap.
and for God's sake,
don't let the door hit you
on your way out.
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 1 2
I did not deserve this.
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 2
Fist and Bone
I want to pull my sternum apart.
you’re a messy ending, my darling;
this is killing me inside.
  I can still feel the weight of his skin against mine.
  I documented the musculature and slide of bone,
  The curl of his hair, and the breadth of his back.
the winter takes my breath and leaves me aching.
come back to me, I whisper to blue skies,
but they’re not listening now.
  I don’t want to remember the pressure of days
  Stretching back to my hopeless, dauntless youth,
  Where love tasted like absolution from all limitations.
the snow strips me bare of all misconception,
and I wonder how many more seasons I must withstand
before I’ve finally learned my lesson.
  I could tell you every color his eyes reflected when he looked at me,
  Like I was something sacred. Like I was something to be mourned.
  Yet even now I could not tell you where the transition occurred.
two-and-a-half years, and what do I have to show
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 0
DA_ID II by Ebony-Tiger DA_ID II :iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 2
Another Sunrise
Become a ghost, my darling.
Sweep your ashes across the floor.
Turn against the night, and smile
Once you find what you are searching for.
It will ache when the sun hits you.
But please, please don't turn away.
May you tear up at its brilliance-
May it allow your suffering to fade.
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 0 6
We'd See The Day
We could have been anything we wanted.
Remember when we were just kids?
Dead wonder caught fire when I felt your heartbeat.
(I was surprised to discover it beat faster than mine)
And it took me a while to realize you were shaking, too.
Five years ago, I closed myself off from you
In the hopes of finding somewhere new.
I thought that maybe, if I sealed off everything
from before 2010, I wouldn't have to face it.
But I was wrong.
And that cost me you.
But that was then,
And this is now:
So, now
Birds tracing the sky, past the moon-
Skyscrapers and dirt roads
Dying cars and wind chimes
The sensations of falling,
of looking up,
of forgetting everything.
I want to go somewhere I never have before.
Be someone I've never been.
Half a decade ago, I didn't have the faith or the discipline
to stay. But now, when I think of the future, all I can see
is everything we talked about at three in the morning
when neither of us could sleep.
And you know, that doesn't sc
:iconebony-tiger:Ebony-Tiger 2 0
I will not apologize.

Random Favourites

More Than Friends...
The hallways of the local high school were virtually vacant, most of the students leaving the building to go home for winter break the moment the final bell rang. Of course, there weren't too many children even attending the school. South Park was a small town after all; the amount of children per grade tended to stay below a hundred.
And, with such a small amount of students, everyone basically knew one another, most being friends since elementary school and earlier.
So, it wasn't really a surprise that one of the last students floating about the halls was Kyle Broflovski, the only Jewish kid in the entire town and one of the more 'nerdy' boys of the grade. He'd always been just a bit more interested in studies than he had been in things normal teenage boys were interested in like sports, or video games, or, the thought farthest from his mind, girls.
Girls... That was something he hated to think about.
It wasn't that girls didn't like him or anything—especially since Bebe
:iconthecorruptedquietone:thecorruptedquietone 15 6
I Want To Give Up
I want to give up
I want to stop trying
My friends are disappointed in me
Because I won't let go
Something in my heart
Is telling me to keep trying
To not give up
On such a lost cause
Could my heart be wrong
And my head be right
I want to give you up
And move on
But my heart won't let me
:iconginger-lynn:Ginger-Lynn 3 3
Sardonic by Kamo-Mille Sardonic :iconkamo-mille:Kamo-Mille 30 5 Cardinal in Snowy Branches by Mogrianne Cardinal in Snowy Branches :iconmogrianne:Mogrianne 32 9 my love by Redwis my love :iconredwis:Redwis 3 2 duplicate by ronhero duplicate :iconronhero:ronhero 3 2 The Tiger by mikesunisasain The Tiger :iconmikesunisasain:mikesunisasain 12 9 Tension by lakin5 Tension :iconlakin5:lakin5 50 11 If I could fly you away... by CrusherMush If I could fly you away... :iconcrushermush:CrusherMush 6 6 Mill Beach II by fallen-poe Mill Beach II :iconfallen-poe:fallen-poe 1 0 Yin Yang by Spimagry Yin Yang :iconspimagry:Spimagry 2 0 Balance by KatieHofgard Balance :iconkatiehofgard:KatieHofgard 1,495 82 only human by Cellogirl19 only human :iconcellogirl19:Cellogirl19 2 0 snowbunny2's  new furs by DmsRri snowbunny2's new furs :icondmsrri:DmsRri 3 17 sig vertical cyber anime by Street-kevin sig vertical cyber anime :iconstreet-kevin:Street-kevin 2 2


  • Listening to: Round Here - Counting Crows
  • Reading: My older works
  • Drinking: Water
A lot has happened this year! I'm not even sure where to begin.

Went to NM and CO with some very dear friends. It was much needed. Went down to Beaumont and Galveston the next week in support of another dear friend of mine.

Reconnected unexpectedly with two people who've made a huge impact on my life. (!!!)

Worked until May, and I'm happy I had the opportunity to meet as many people as I have. Onward to a new job, now!

My family is doing well, and my friends are doing well (as much as we can - the plight of twenty-something-year-olds in this political and economic climate...). I suppose I'm doing just fine myself

I hope you are all well.
- E.T.


Artist | Student | Varied
United States
Check out my gallery folders if you'd like. Also:
Scraps: I actively put work in there, so I'd love for people to check it out. Don't let the name "scraps" mislead you.
I blur the line between poetry and prose

Status: Not looking.

[don't forget to b r e a t h e]



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chloeeuphemissoledad Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for that fave on Loner! I don't write a lot and I don't have any patrons who do love my works, but these little actions make me happy. Thanks a lot!
Aliuh Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016
Thank you for adding me to your watch list!  I appreciate it. :)
(1 Reply)
Lucky-LB-Artz Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2015  Student Artist
Thank you for the favourites! :D If you're interested, take a closer look to my gallery or watch me for more works of mine <3 yay 
(1 Reply)
natehillyer Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favorite on Inktober 4. It's good to know that my artwork resonates with people. All the best! -Nate
(1 Reply)
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2015  Professional Writer
Hello! :wave: Thank you for the :+fav: on "Playground Romance!" :iconheartblueplz:
(1 Reply)
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